too bad you live with your parents still
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
