Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
