kristin has been a bad kristin
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
