My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
