That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
