I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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