In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
