I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
my liver is dry heaving
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
