i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
