turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
