none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize