my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
