If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Randomize
