He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
