Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
