yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
