the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
