Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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