ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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