If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize