after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
