Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
