I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
