I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
