I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
