Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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