i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
