I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
