I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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