It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize