I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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