Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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