I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
