Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
