I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
