i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize