I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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