Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
