Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
