I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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