Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My nipple is on Facebook.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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