I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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