Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
