Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
