and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
