You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
