i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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