Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I love having hate sex.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
