Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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