Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
nutella sex= disaster
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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