Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
