that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
