And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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