Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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