I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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