I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
