Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
