I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
