right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
