we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
