The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
