halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
