I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
