like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
50% drunk capacity currently
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
